“You are the reason that my name was mentioned in front of hundreds of people” my dad used to say, his face beaming with pride, his hand patting my shoulder with affection, referring to the moment where I took an award in front of a whole school. That was the phrase that he uses in every Parent’s Day, in every award or achievement ceremony or whenever I stand in front of an audience. Being the “Daddy’s girl” that I am, I never divulged into the phrase or think further into that statement because I was content in making my dad proud.
However, at one particular Parent’s Day my whole perception changed rather dramatically. Well, you see, on that day my dad was not present for a reason that I could not recall and it was just my Mom that was attending the event. I was awarded two times for different achievements and the way my Mom was looking at that moment will forever be ingrained in my mind. She was utterly proud and her warm eyes were full of tears and that was when it hit me that in spite of my achievements I was never a reason for my mom’s name to be mentioned in front of hundreds of people. Of course, some people knew her by face and knew that she was my mother and few have heard her name mentioned now and then but just because my last name was my father’s name instead of hers my achievements were mainly traced to him rather than her.
At that moment, this realization was saddening. I mean don’t get me wrong here, I love my Dad with everything that I am and I can surely say that personality wise I am more like him. He influenced me to a greater extent and he is my hero but my mom is my idol. She is the person who I aspired to be, she is the person who taught me strength and bravery, she is the person who taught me soft spoken words are much stronger than an unwanted dominance. I am sure this case doesn’t apply for my mother only but for most of the mothers out there, for the moms who manage a household far better than any CEO and still work 8/5 in an office, for the moms who woke up before any household member to prepare the things that we need to learn or work or function in the awaiting day, for the moms who try to help us in our home works while they are cooking dinner even if there education status is way different than ours, for the moms who sacrifices their every being so that we can be successful in our lives. So the main question here is why aren’t they acknowledged like the fathers for their children’s success? Why are they left in the background?
The same can be said about our family tree, if we can call it family with just the male side being represented that is. We can trace our linage for generations but no mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers or daughters exist. The more a generation passes by the more the female name will disappear from record, history and paper. For a female to be recognized she should be the one doing the deed, she should be the one doing the achievement however a male can take a partial credit of his children’s fruition just because of a namesake. What is whimsical about this is the fact that the world has tried to confine women in the household, in child bearing and rearing for centuries and in a way a well-mannered child was the fruit of the woman’s lifelong work but the same world has refused to acknowledge her effort and chose to bestow just the father’s name on the children.
In her essay “Grandmother Spider”, Rebecca Solnit speaks about a similar matter. “Thus coherence-of patriarchy, of ancestry, of narrative-is made by erasure and exclusion.” she says, referring to the way how history or lineage in general erase the women of a generation. “Eliminate your mother, then your two grandmothers, then your four great grandmother.” she continues. “Go back more generations and hundreds, then thousands disappear. Mothers vanish, and the mothers and fathers of those mothers. Ever more lives disappear as if unlived until you have narrowed a forest down to a tree, a web down to a line. This is what it takes to construct of blood or influence or meaning.” And her words echo my constant thoughts. What we have been doing throughout history in a way was a “feminocide.”
The why for this action is not fully answered in my feeble mind but all I can say for sure is the patriarchal society that we most exist in, our constant need of being generic and our fear of change is the reason that we still use this system. So why not acknowledge the women who has influenced our lives, why not call their name out loud in stage and on public? Because, now that I think of it, I would be more satisfied if I was Iman Misra Abdulkadir.
I.M.A
Eccentricity and Wit 